Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
The friendship is strained at best. One should never have to search for something to say. Nor should you ever have to reply with such caution due to the fact you never know how someone will twist or turn its every meaning. Paranoia and deciept is never good bedfellows nor is it a trait I wish to have in "a friend'. If you say one thing, then turn around and do the opposite, or even worse talk shit and crap behind EVERYONES back, why would you fight to continue a relationship? You wouldn't you would turn and run for the hills baby!! Isn't that the reason I left home in the dust and moved so far away? To get away from those like that?
Well, I found out that it is all around me. One must make a choice in every aspect of their lives. I choose not to become a person like that. I will not become doubtful and untrusting. Thinking that everyone is out to get me and has something up their sleeve. Nor will I shut myself off from life itself by finding any excuse not to go out and live, love and laugh. If I choose to discover more of not only myself but of this big world of ours with not only my husband and family, then I will do it with someone that has respect and integrity. My happiness is worth more than that.
Ok, so this isn't really a blog, its more of a piss, whine, moan session. But sometimes you gotta let the ugly out before you can let the beauty and love consume you.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Not much of a blog today. Just clearing out some of the cobwebs in my head. Knocking the dust off the cerebellum. Getting ready to lay it out on the line. Fuck therapy...I have blogger right?
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Even though I have pneumonia, (welcome to Wisconsin in the winter Pam) I was determined to make it to storage for yet another tirp o'stuff. Hangers. Thats all I wanted. Thats all I craved. Plastic, wire or wood, it just didn't matter. So my wonderful husband who could barely walk today after yesterdays trip to storage humored me and off we went. Now the doctor told me I am not to go outside, period. He was going to admit me to the hospital on Weds. But luckily he had a change of heart. So being a nurse, I knew what was best for me and today it was hangers!!
As I have said before, I never gave much thought to the little things in life. A door. That one still makes me giggle, until today. Todays epiphany was hangers. When you go to a hotel for a relaxing weekend. Are you the person that puts away the stuff in the drawers and hangs up your clothes, or do you just leave it in the suitecase and just call it a day? I have been known to do both. On the trip out here, never put away anything it was like camping. Living out of the trunk of the car basically. We didn't know we did not have a place to go to until Oklahoma, and I packed away most of all of our clothes. Today we found the box of hangers. I dumped them out on the bed, giggling as I was untanglling the huge pile. Any other time I would have been cussing over it. Not today. Oh the colors!! Yellow, white, blue, black, mauve. Wire hangers, wood hangers, plastic hangers. Hangers from department stores, from the dry cleaners...Hangers! Hangers! Hangers!!! Joan Crawford had nothing on me.
Dumping clothes from boxes, totes, bags and luggage. Prancing back and forth, from the bed to the closet, hanging everything up. Old clothes, new clothes, things I haven't worn and even hung up a few nightgowns. It was a hanging frenzy. My life was complete today. Even hacking up a lung, I was in hanger nirvana. Two hours later, I had to lay down and take a nap. I really need to pace myself next time.
I spoke to Rick about it. At first I was laughing over my behavior. Who gets all worked up over a damn hanger. Oh, thats right, the person that was giddy over a door. A wave of sadness started to flow over me. Was life so out of control and going down hill that fast that I now appreciate hangers? Imagine loosing over half of what you have. Everything that is you and what you know is packed away like the emotions you are feeling over all of this. How many mornings have I (and others) lumbered over to the closet, fingered through the clothes hanging there, dreading the thought of going to work. "What to wear today...I have nothing, that makes me look fat, oh thats right I am fat, gotta go to the fat side of the closet. Shoes...burried at the bottom, damn...I am going to be late." Its a daily activity that is done without thought or reason. It just is. Nothing more.
I look forward to waking up in the mornings. Thankful that I have a job, I have clothes and a few pairs of shoes. I have a home with a bedroom door and a closet. Think about it for a moment. Don't just assume it will always be there, you just never know.
Wait until I find the box with towels.....
Friday, January 29, 2010
So with these new starts. I have decided to try and post more on this site. Facebook and myspace just isn't doing it for me. I need a venue where I can say what I want, when I want and how I want. To start the creative juices flowing and get this out. I must say I owe this to a very dear friend of mine. Never before have I given much thought into my writting. Could be cause my spelling is horrid, so I just kinda put that side of me to the side. So, thanks Kelly! Thanks for giving me a shove yet again to just do it.
I may do some cut and pasting to catch up since getting here. But looking forward to blazing this new trail!!