Sunday, February 14, 2010

There has to be more....right?

There has to be more. There has to be more than just going to work everyday, coming home, going to bed and waking up to do it all over again. I mean I know there is. Life is what you make it. I intend on making it something spectacular!!! I moved out here under the pretense that a friendship would rekindle. Pick up where we left off. I knew time changes everything and everyone, but did not realize to what extent. I feel for myself, I grew up a bit, but still basically the same person I have always been. Edges are not as rough as they were in the past. Some parts have become jaded and tough. I choose my battles better and know which hill is worth dying on for something I truly believe in or about. But other than that I am still just me. Or am I wrong in that assumption?
The friendship is strained at best. One should never have to search for something to say. Nor should you ever have to reply with such caution due to the fact you never know how someone will twist or turn its every meaning. Paranoia and deciept is never good bedfellows nor is it a trait I wish to have in "a friend'. If you say one thing, then turn around and do the opposite, or even worse talk shit and crap behind EVERYONES back, why would you fight to continue a relationship? You wouldn't you would turn and run for the hills baby!! Isn't that the reason I left home in the dust and moved so far away? To get away from those like that?
Well, I found out that it is all around me. One must make a choice in every aspect of their lives. I choose not to become a person like that. I will not become doubtful and untrusting. Thinking that everyone is out to get me and has something up their sleeve. Nor will I shut myself off from life itself by finding any excuse not to go out and live, love and laugh. If I choose to discover more of not only myself but of this big world of ours with not only my husband and family, then I will do it with someone that has respect and integrity. My happiness is worth more than that.
Ok, so this isn't really a blog, its more of a piss, whine, moan session. But sometimes you gotta let the ugly out before you can let the beauty and love consume you.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Cobwebs in my head

Sorting out thoughts and feelings these days. Got tired of sorting through boxes and drawers. Not real sure if I am where I wanna be in life. Where I need to be. Do you ever really know "where you belong". Am I searching for a nirvana that doesn't exist? Do you know when you find it. Maybe its the moon throwing me for a loop these days. But I have such a restless soul burning inside of me. Me the one that loves stability and consistancy.

Not much of a blog today. Just clearing out some of the cobwebs in my head. Knocking the dust off the cerebellum. Getting ready to lay it out on the line. Fuck therapy...I have blogger right?